Earlier this year, I was feeling like I’d come to the end of my rope. Life does that sometimes. The cooking, cleaning, shopping and Mommying all just seem to add up to more than we can bear.
I remember praying one morning that God would send me some help. Some real, human help to be specific. I wanted someone who could do more than lighten my load, because honestly, it’s not going anywhere. I’m always going to have to eat, have clean clothes and have children (who require input and training).
I wanted someone to help me learn to enjoy and appreciate these things. I knew it was me that was preventing me from truly being grateful for the first world life I get to live. And I didn’t know how to get back to the woman I used to be, who loved nothing more than to try out a new recipe, who could fold the laundry with a smile, and wanted all the cuddles she could get.
I had become this robot, going through the motions. Food? Checked. Clothes? Checked. School? Checked. Happy? Not checked.
I got the answer in one of the most unexpected ways. I love that He chooses to work through the unexpected.
I had messaged a friend that morning that life was just hard. She’s actually a friend of my brothers, but we’ve developed a good relationship over the past few years. She responded that she’d love to help, but she’d need to speak to me first. We talked for about an hour, and I said I’d have to think about what she said and pray about it.
She’s a reiki practitioner and aromatherapist. I had nothing against these types of things, but I certainly didn’t think that rocks and oils were the answer I was needing right now. How could I get an attitude adjustment from these things?
I remember clearly, standing in the shower, questioning Him. Did he seriously send me magical rocks as an answer to my prayer?!? I mean, I felt like he had answered. She was able to assure me that she could help me with everything I was struggling with.
But really? Magic rocks. There’s no way that this is going to heal me. Absolutely none. Or so I thought. I grudgingly agreed to this apparent answer to my prayer, but I wanted a sign first.
I have to laugh at it now. Me, getting an answer to prayer and still bargaining.
So, I dried off, wondering how this was going to work. And one of the bracelets I wear for my arthritis broke. I think I may have actually rolled my eyes.
Then that night, I talked to a good friend of mine, who also believes in Him, but believes that things like Reiki and stones could help. Why not? If He can use a burning bush, a lion’s den, bread and fish, why can’t He use rocks and oils? I was telling her about my doubts, and she laughed. She reminded me that my amber bracelet was already one of my magic rocks. And if it could make a difference, why wouldn’t others? Maybe they also leach compounds into skin that can alter the parts of our bodies needing help.
Well goodness. He sent me two signs in one day.
I started working with my friend. And work it is. I had to be open and honest with myself. I had been through some things, but I hadn’t necessarily healed from them. I’m really good at just pushing through. Or at least I thought I was.
Me being broken was kind of my wake up call that I needed to heal to move forward. So maybe you’ll join me on this journey of healing, with all of the twists and turns I get to take.
Friend, I don’t know what your journey is looking like right now. I know that we all sometimes face obstacles that seem impossible. And I know that sometimes the obstacles seem mundane, but they block us anyways. I would like to encourage you to reach out to Him. He has a plan to help you out of whatever you are facing. And sometimes the work seems too daunting, but I promise, in the long run, you’ll be so glad you took that first step.
I’d love it if you would leave me a prayer request in the comments if you are struggling. I know what it’s like to feel lost and alone, and would be honored to lift you up in prayer.
And please know, reaching out to those around you for help is the right thing to do. It’s scary to be vulnerable and open, but its the bravest thing you can do right now. I promise, anxiety and depression are real, and can be helped, but only if you ask. It is not a weakness, no more than a broken leg is. Please ask a trusted friend, doctor or pastor for help if you need it.